Operation Transitive Property
by ducksticks
Summary: Brittany has a plan to ditch Artie, who's still in love with Tina, who's with Mike, who's best friend with Brittany, who needs his help so she can be free and comeback to Santana, who's dating Sam now. And that's what you missed on glee!


Everybody says that best ideas always happen to others. That's something Brittany S. Pierce could use as her motto. But, like the cliche says, there's always a first time for everything. And the weirdest thing is that it's in Math class. She likes Math class. All those signs and dots and lines and circles. Is the closest to a book with drawings. Of course she doesn't understand any numbers the teacher is writing on the blackboard, but some words arrive to her right ear and fortunately don't come out through the left one.

"The Transitive Property of equality is defined in the following way. For three elements a, b and c, the transitive property is defined as: If a = b and b = c, then a = c. It's like a polyamorous relationship." The teacher jokes and the class burst in laughs.

'That's something Santana would say to me', Brittany thinks. Let's be honest. She never stopped to love Santana. She's the love of her life. They've been together since always and that relationship grew up to something more. Love. Screw that thing about sex is not dating. Sex with Santana is the most and purest expression of love she could've experienced ever. She just wanna hug her again and feel her sweet lady kisses and link pinkies and date her and scissoring. But Artie is still there.

She likes Artie. He's funny, he sings very good, he dresses like her favourite uncle and she likes pushing his chair. But... she doesn't love him. She just started this relationship because she wanted to feel corresponded by anyone, and Artie was there for her. She doesn't want to break his heart again. He already suffered a lot when Tina broke up with him and she's is pretty sure that he's still in love with his ex, but now Tina is with Mike and that's why she can't be with Santana and... Pheww, everything could be easier if they were in a polyamorous relationship just like the teacher said and... wait.

Santana told her once that maths were universal. Just like love. So love and maths should be the same... or at least close. And that thing. That property thing. The Transitive Property. That should work for love love too. That could be... the key to leave Artie and be free to come back with Santana. The bell rings and the class dismisses while a bulb lights inside her head at the sight of a lanky guy leaving the room.

"Hey! Mike wait!" She yells grabbing her backpack and running through the door to catch her friend in the hallway.

Mike turns when he hears his name. "Hey Britt. How are you?" He smiles at the sight of the blonde.

"Hi Mike." She waves and smiles back. "I'm good, thanks for ask. By the way, Charity says 'Hi' too. She's asking why don't you show up at home anymore like before?" Brittany crosses her arms over her chest and sends a inquisitive look at him.

"Yeah, sorry for that." He chuckles at the thought of Brittany's cat. "Tell her that I'll come around any day soon, okay? I've been... in a problem lately and have no time and my head..." He shakes his head brushing a hand through his hair and, with a false laugh, he tries to hide that actually, that problem is named Tina.

"The things with Tina keep going bad?" She dares to ask in a slow tone. Some days ago at Glee Club, she noticed that Tina and Mike weren't dancing together during a performance. Later, he told her that they started to fight recently. A lot. "The not-Asian Couples Therapy didn't work, either?"

"No." He answers more for himself than for her and his gaze focuses lost in one of the blonde's hat pompons. "But I'm sure we'll figure it out." He clarifies. "So, whats going on?" He smiles trying to change the topic. Brittany always makes him feel in a good mood and she doesn't deserve get involved at his love issues.

"Oh yes!" Brittany's face lights up again. "I wanna invite you to a double date with Artie and Tina. I mean, not with Artie AND Tina. It's you and Tina with me and Artie, obviously." She beams looking for his approval.

"Oh, well. Jeez, Britt, I don't think it's a good idea right now." He deflates at the thought of a loudly Asian fight in front of his best friend and her boyfriend.

"Come on! It will be fun! At least take it like four friends going to dinner together, okay? Scratch the double date thing. Scratch-scratch." She joins her hands at her front, swaying her body and smiling like a little girl waiting for a positive answer. She knows Mike can't resist that.

"Mmmm... okaaay. I'll talk to Tina about it." He answers defeated. Who can resist sweet Brittany Mode On, anyway?

"Yay! Thank you Mike, you're the best!" She jumps further hugging him on the neck and placing a kiss on his cheek. "I'll see you at Breadstix tomorrow at 8, okay?"

"Okay, Britt. See you there." He turns and walks away thinking a way to persuade Tina about the idea.

"Bye, Mike!" She waves and walks to the other way thinking for herself. It doesn't care what people say about her. She's a genius. She's a freaking genius. Santana would be so proud of her. No, correct that: She will be. It's set. Operation Transitive Property is in progress. OTP Phase 1 is done.

* * *

Brittany and Artie arrive first. It's a weekday which means Breadstix is not full of people like at weekends. They pick a table and settled down waiting for the other couple. Mike and Tina arrive minutes later. Her serious face, short answers and minimal physical contact make Brittany believe that they should have another fight on their way there. A dim sum fight again, perhaps. The silence is not comfortable, so she tries to break the ice.

"Let's order! I want spaghetti with meatballs. I'm not into meatballs so much, but I like playing with them." She says. Everybody order and food arrives. They eat while casual conversation is exchanged. Mike can't help notice that Tina sounds happier talking to Artie than to him. After main plates are gone they order desserts. While they're waiting for them, Brittany decides that this is it. It's time for OTP Phase 2.

"I need to go to the bathroom. Mike can you show me where it is?" She asks nonchalantly but fails hopelessly in the try.

Mike furrows because he's sure that Brittany knows where exactly it is -she had come here many times with Santana, as he had been told by said blonde. "Don't you remember where the bathroom is, Britt?"

"Yeah, but I really-really need you to show me because I always found those little people signs confusing when there aren't any words on them and sometimes I don't know if it's a woman or just a man holding a huge lab flask and then I have to stand between the two doors waiting for someone to enter or leave to know which one is for girls."

"Okaaay..." He tries to reason. "But I'm pretty sure Tina can show you better. I mean, she's a girl and girls use to go together and-" His arm is almost ripped off from his body when Brittany pulls him out of the table.

"No-I-need-you-to-do-it-please-just-a-second-let's-go-we'll-be-back-in-a-minute!" She yells the last part of her long sentence over her shoulder to Tina and Artie who look like if their partners just stormed off to avoid their company.

When they arrive at the bathrooms' doors, she grabs his wrist and pulls him inside one of the rooms. "Brittany, no! This is the girls bathroom! Didn't you see the flask- I mean, the girl on the sign? I can't come in here!" He fights for leave but she closes and locks the door first, turning on her heels to face him.

"Mike I need your help." She doesn't waste time. "I need to kiss you." She whispers with all seriousness on her face.

His eyes widened at her question. "What? Why? Here? Now? I mean, I've just ate onions and you know the terrible breath it-" Wait. Why the hell is he talking about onion breath? He should be saying 'I have a girlfriend! I can't!' But it seems that the girlfriend excuse doesn't apply for him right now -and maybe anymore.

"Yeah, I know it sounds weird because we don't make out like a humongous time ago, exactly since we started dating other people, but I need you to let me kiss you right now, even a peck, please. And don't worry, I ate onions too."

"I-I can't Britt. I'm with Tina. I can't do this to her. I'm still in love with her..." He trails off. He almost believe himself.

"You know that's not exactly true." Brittany says lowering her gaze. "You told me you keep fighting very often and that things are not the same. You don't have to pretend everything it's okay for me or for Tina or for anyone, even for yourself, you know? Sometimes, if there's something you're not enjoying anymore, you have to stop it. You can't always be the nice guy, Mike." She explains lifting her head and meeting his eyes.

He's been thinking about it recently. He could be a total badass, just like Puck, if he wants to. He has spent plenty of time with his friend to know what he needs to do: scowl to the nerds, leer to the girls, show some guns -or in his case, some abs- and act like if you're on the top of the world. Even though you're just a presumptuous high school kid. Yes, he knows all that... but he can't. Being a bad guy is not in his nature.

While he's lost in his thoughts, Brittany steps closer and crystal blue eyes meet his. She mouths an 'It's okay' and flutters her eyelashes and he knows he's dead. He can't fight against that. That's not fair. He complies and closes his eyes waiting for the light kiss to happen, but instead, she pushes him into a stall and kicks the door close. The space is too small for both of them and he finishes sitting on the toilet. Brittany's shorts cladded legs straddled him sitting on his lap.

"Britt? Wh-what are you doing? You said is just a peck, right?"

"Shhh. It's all part of the OTP."

"What OTP-" His question is blocked by soft lips grazing his. Her nose nudging against his cheek. Eyelashes flutter close producing tickles on his closed eyes. Blond locks falling on one side of his face and the smell of her shampoo and perfume fills his brain with memories of them doing this long time ago.

They used to make out. Yes, many times in many places in many situations. Like that night in her room after helping her to find Charity in a tree when Santana wasn't around. Or after some drinks and dances during one of Puck's wild parties... when Santana wasn't around. Or in a lonely dance studio after hip hop classes... yes, when Santana wasn't around. He notices the pattern in here.

Meanwhile, Brittany is really enjoying it. Yes, Mike's always been a good kisser. Not so good like Santana, but definitely he's in her top three. She slides her hands from the sides of his head to his shoulders and chest and then to his perfect sculpted abs. She slips her hands under the hem of his shirt and the familiar touch makes her remember all those sexy times when after lingering make out sessions they had hot flexible sex. Of course when Santana wasn't around. Duh.

The kiss deepens. Brittany caress his torso underneath his clothes, rocking slowly her hips and grinding herself against his lap. Mike's carried away for the moment and his hands leave the tile walls to land on her hips and then rub the small of her back. But when Brittany starts to play with the waistline of his jeans, he stops. This can't happen. Not here. He grabs her forearms and pushes her back, soft but steady, sitting her straight.

"I'm sorry Britt. This- I think it's enough. No more... for now, okay?" He breathes out.

Brittany's eyes are glazed and her breathing is quite irregular. Something on the back of her head wants to keep going with this, but she understands that that's enough too; enough for her plan to continue at least. She has Tina's lips on hers. And Artie's are on Mike's. Perfect. The corners of her mouth rise slightly up. "You're so special Mike."

"You too, Britt." Mike's face softens and nods slowly.

She stands up and opens the the door leaving him sitting in the toilet. She stands in front of the mirror and straights her clothes and hair. He watches her back while she bends to reapply her lipstick and check her light make up. When she's ready she turns to the still occupied stall.

"Don't forget to clean you up here." She says pointing her own lips. He immediately shoots his hand to his. "And don't take too long. They're waiting for us... and someone could enter and find you here." She finishes with a smirk opening the locked bathroom door and leaving the room.

"Definitely, she's special." He mumbles, propped on his feet to the reflex on the mirror.

* * *

"Let's play something!" Brittany announces clapping her hands together when Mike's back and sitting on their table. "Last night I was watching the news -I don't know why, I never really like the news because they show so many bad things that later make me have bad dreams, but Charity forces me to do it- and there was this story about a kiss contest where a couple could kiss for one continuous hour! Can you imagine that? So I came with this idea about how long can we last? Don't you think it could be fun to find out?"

When nobody comes with an answer that wasn't a mumble, Brittany thinks that everyone agrees with her game. Actually, they're trying to understand the odd speech they've just heard. For the blonde though, the time for OTP Phase 3 has arrived.

"'Kay losers pay the check. We first!"

Brittany turns and cups Artie's face with both hands and crashes their lips together. More than a passionate kiss it looks like a really disgusting fluids interchange. Mike can't help but feel... is that jealousy? Looking for some back up, he turns his head and all he finds is Tina's angriest face he have ever watched before. Even worst than in their food fights. If looks could kill, he should be calling 911 right now to help Artie's sliced body.

After some minutes -or could be hours for Mike- Brittany finally pulls apart from her boyfriend with a smile on her face. She thinks she did it good. She put all her effort in that kiss to transfer Tina's lips into Artie's. Thank God she's a good kisser. Artie seems to think the same because he keeps with his eyes closed, mouth partially open, crooked glasses and tangled hair. He realises the kiss is over when Tina makes a noise with the back of her throat. He fixes his glasses and rubs his mouth, just checking that lips are in the place they used to be.

"Your turn!" Brittany chirps in the middle of the awkward silence.

"Wait-"

"Yes! It's our turn!" Tina replies fiercely turning her body to face Mike. Pulling him by the collar of his plaid shirt, she kisses him like if her life depends of it.

Okay, what is this? When ever they make out like this? Sure, there had been times when -for example- Tina got 'too excited' after watching Twilight. But like this one? Never. Mike can't even keeps the pace his girlfriend is performing. His mouth just follows what Tina's does. It doesn't feel the same. When she sits on one leg and push him against the back of his sit, he knows they're making a show for everyone there. They're not going to let them comeback to Breadstix again. Better, they don't serve chicken feet salad.

He dares to open one eye to look through Tina's raven hair. Like he said, if looks could kill somebody should be calling no 911 but CSI to identify what's left from his body. Artie's glare seems fiercer with all his tangled hair. It's quite funny, though.

His eyes are back at Tina's when she grunts and scowls at him. He knows why. He's not responding her kiss and he feels bad for that. Even though he knows is just payback. But then, he feels something else. A hand. A left hand with dark nails creeping his left knee and thigh. He's not an exhibitionist. Man, he didn't used to dance outside his room a year ago! This is a completely new experience for him.

Suddenly, something else rubs against his right ankle. After throw away the thought that maybe Brittany's brought Charity to dinner, he dares to look down at the gap between him and the table and another limb greets him. A long pale slender one. Toes searching their way through his leg. Mike's eyes jump to Brittany's devilish face, teeth biting her lower lip. Great. This new experience is becoming freaking great.

She's just trying to help. Brittany notices that Mike is not enjoying the kiss with his girlfriend. She knows things are bad between them, but this bad to not reciprocate a hot kiss from Tina? Bad. So, maybe a little reminder about what just happened in the bathroom could cheer him up. That's the only way he could transfer Artie's lips into Tina's, too. She needs her plan to be perfect. So, her foot is rubbing his inner thigh now.

Realisation comes to his mind. Both girls don't know what's happening under the table. Mike's sure Brittany can't look through furniture and it seems Tina is pretty busy with his face too. So, if both limbs finish their race to his crotch at same time he's totally screwed. When they're to an inch to touch each other, Brittany's big toe arrives first and he can't help himself. His thighs clamp together fast and harder in an inevitable reaction and a sonorous smack fills the table.

"What was that?" Tina asks immediately, sitting straight and retrieving her hand.

"Wh-what?" Mike replies noticing Brittany's little quiver on her sit and a wickedest grin plastered on her face.

"Something smack my hand when it was in your..." She trails off while her face turns red at the sight of Artie's somebody-call-CSI glare.

An even worst than the last one awkward silence falls like cold water over three of them. Just three, because Brittany has to pinch her thigh to avoid the cackle fighting in her mouth.

"You lose!" Brittany can't handle anymore and chuckles pointing the Asian couple.

"What? Why?" Tina retorts defiant, oblivious to her previous question.

"You made it in less than three minutes. We made three and a half." Brittany beams.

"Were you counting?"

"Duh. Obviously. I like to count people's kisses when I'm watching. Sometimes I count mine too, but just when they're very bad kissers or I get bored." Brittany gives a sad smile to Artie. Definitely subtlety is not one of the blonde's qualities.

Confused faces are exchanged on the table. Tina doesn't know if she's mad for losing or for Artie's kiss. Artie doesn't know if celebrate his victory or find out where Tina's hand was. And Mike is just confused at all.

"Soooo, you pay the check Mike." Brittany nods her head victoriously encouraging her friend to move.

"You mean now?"

"Yes! Come on! And let me go with you. I always like to watch how the cash register works."

She turns to Artie and gives him a light kiss. A goodbye peck. When she kissed him a few minutes ago, she knew that was their last kiss. It's fair for him and good for her, she thinks. They would be better with the persons they truly love. Mike kisses Tina before standing up too, and just like the last time, he doesn't feel the same.

* * *

"Wooow. I'm totally gonna ask my mom to buy me one of this for Christmas."

After Brittany begs to pay with cash so she can watch the cash register working, Mike wants to know what's the next step.

"Now, we leave!" Brittany says with a grin hooking her arm under Mike's. OTP Phase 4 is the last one.

"The four of us? Where?"

"No silly! Just us!" Brittany winks at him grabbing her hat and coat.

"But, what about them?" Mike inquires nodding his head to the table.

"Don't you see them? Look how good they're now by themselves" Brittany grins happily. She knows her plan worked. Thanks to maths and the transitive property she's free and ready for Santana. Brittany and Santana, OTP forever. Now she's like Cupid. A badass relationship adviser. She should write for Teen Vogue. 'Ask Miss Britt' sounds really cool.

"Well... yeah." Mike turns to the ex couple. Artie is grabbing Tina's hand on the table. Seconds later she stands up and straightens his tangled hair while both laugh at something she says. "But, how is she going to go home?" Is the only thing he can say without showing any heartache feelings on his face.

"Artie's mom is gonna pick him up at 10:30. I'm sure they can offer her a ride. They have at least half an hour till she arrives. Come on, don't worry." She says, pulling him to the door.

"Oh. Okay." His look meets the table again while he opens the door for Brittany. Now, Tina is sitting next to Artie. Both of them laughing and exchanging looks at their cell phones. Sure they're playing Angry Birds. How is that never he got into that damn game? Sadness invades him when the truth comes to light into his head: his relationship with Tina is over.

Brittany notices that and rolls an arm around his waist leaning her head on his shoulder. "Don't be sad Mike. You know, sometimes, to love is wishing the good for the other, even if they're not with you. You're not gonna be alone. You have Glee. You have friends now. And you have me too, you always had me and you always will." She snuggles closer and smiles against his chest.

Mike hugs her shoulders and rests his head on her Panda bear hat he gave her for her last birthday. A sad smile shows on his face. "Thanks." He mutters against the soft fabric, but Brittany only wants to make him feel better.

"If you want to, we can make out in my room when we arrive at my place." She suggests.

Walking across the parking lot, Mike smiles for the simplicity and bluntness that Brittany could show sometimes.

"Maybe, Britt."

"And if Santana's date is over, we can call her up to join us too."

"Maybe to that too, Britt." He chuckles in response, guiding her towards his truck.

"Good. I'm sure Charity is gonna be happy to see you again." Brittany beams.

Yeah, maybe he won't be alone at all like before. Yeah, maybe not.


End file.
